Preventing a friend or family member from becoming the victim of a romance scam is no easy task. Quite often friends and family are powerless to do anything as the loved one becomes trapped in the scammer’s web of deceit. The not-for-profit group Neniu and the banking industry federation Febelfin gave VRT News’ consumer affairs team a number of tips that can help if someone close to you becomes the victim of a relationship scam.
“Help! My friend believes that she really is engaged to Bruce Springsteen”: how can you best protect someone from romance scammers?
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Victims of romance scams are not always keen to ask for help from friends and family. Out of shame, people do not always wish to share their stories. If they do, they do not always appreciate well-meaning advice and warnings. This was also the case for the friend of a person that we have called Tom. His real name is known to the team that work on VRT News’ consumer affairs programme ‘WinWin’
“A friend of mine is absolutely convinced she is in contact with the real Bruce Springsteen. She is even planning to get married to him and the wedding date has already been set”, Tom told VRT News. Tom is unable to convince his friend that she is in fact conversing with scammers that are only after her money. “She is like a lovesick adolescent whose mind cannot be changed”.
Tom finds it hard to get through to his friend and change her mind. “I find it difficult to be too hard on her. If I were harsh towards her, there is a chance she will clam up and not tell me anything anymore.”
Mary Ann Borgers of the not-for-profit group Neniu says that Tom’s fears are justified. Neniu gives counselling to victims of romance scams and those close to them. The group helps by, for example, drafting a report on what has happened, accompanying victims to the police and providing psychological support.
“Scammers often try to socially isolate their victims. They make them believe that friends and family are only critical because they are jealous of their good fortune. Once they stop sharing their stories, the situation becomes even more dangerous.”
“Asking the local community police officer for help is not an option in this case. As they know each other very well doing that might result in it blowing up in my face”. So, Tom decided to write an anonymous letter to his friend’s bank stating his concerns.
What is a relationship scam?
In a relationship scam, scammers using a false name seek contact through a dating site or social media. They gain their victim’s trust with the ultimate aim of stealing as much money as possible from them.
Isabelle Marchand of banking industry federation Febelfin explains how to spot fake profiles over the internet. “They use a fake name, fake photos and make their profile look very attractive. Often they also use AI images of famous people and operate from abroad. They manipulate your emotions and then try to extract a lot of money from you.”
As a bystander, what can you do to protect a victim of online scams? According to Mary Ann of not-for-profit organisation Neniu, victims are often more likely to listen to outsiders than people close to them. “You need to try to assess which tactics might work on that specific person and which might not. Often people are defensive towards their friends. It helps to enlist the help of people or agencies that the victim doesn’t know."
Banks have preventative measures in place
Money voluntarily transferred by someone cannot be frozen by a bank. Consequently, banks mainly put their efforts into raising awareness to prevent this and other kinds of scam from happening.
“Banks screen accounts for this kind of practice and can contact customers to offer them advice. However, this isn’t easy. Victims often don't take the advice that is given. Those around them often realise what is going sooner than the victim themself”, Febelfin’s spokeswoman Isabelle Marchand told VRT News.
Tips to help victims of romance scams
1. If you are worried about a friend or relative, you can report your concerns to the police. Some local police services have social workers specialised in these kinds of cases on their payrolls. They can visit the victim to assess the situation. Even a visit from the local community police officer can serve as a reality check for the victim.
2. A person that is an adult and legally accountable is responsible for their own actions. This means that it is difficult to actively intervene. In some cases, however, as a friend or family member, you can ask the local Justice of the Peace to start up a ‘protection and guardianship for adults’ procedure. Under the procedure the Justice of the Peace would have the power to protect the victim from themselves and if necessary, prevent the transfer of money to scammers.
3. Contact victim’s bank and inform them about what is going on. Bank staff can then check the account for suspicious transactions and contact the victim to raise the issue.