What if you are no letter writer and you get a chatbot to write a letter to your girlfriend? Should you be worried that this will come to light? Flemish relational therapist Rika Ponnet has an answer for Jaques, who ended up in exactly this situation, but she also feels that enlisting the aid of a chatbot reveals a worrying reluctance to speak of your own feelings.
Jacques used ChatGPT to let his girl know his feelings: is this OK and what if she finds out?
Colin Clapson
Published:
Jaques is 53 and for the past four years has been in a Living Apart Together relationship with his girlfriend. “I stay at hers more often than she stays at my place” he tells Rika. “She lives in a large house with a garden, while I live in a flat. There’s always a cosy atmosphere at her place. She has done a lot of work arranging things in her home, creating a nice atmosphere. There it’s always great fun. My girlfriend is a fantastic cook. Her house is always so tidy and I feel so welcome”.
“I admit I can be a bit moody in the mornings. I try to make sure she doesn’t suffer as a result and that makes me rather taciturn in the mornings. I read the paper and check the financial news. I know she doesn’t like that but because she didn’t really complain I continued in my ways. Last week it erupted into an argument. My girlfriend accused me of using her place as a hotel, of relaxing and letting her do all the work, of being a misery guts”.
“I wanted to make amends. I bought flowers and wrote a letter, but because I am no letter writer I spoke with my son and he advised me to use ChatGPT to write the letter and that’s what I did! My girlfriend was so astonished by this letter and couldn’t believe I had written it. I’m so worried she will find out what I did. Rika, what should I do?”
"I understand that not everyone is a great literary talent, but that's not really the point" says Rika Ponnet. "I feel what Jacques did is nothing short of a form of lying: pretending that you have written a letter that is not yours."
Even if your words sound awkward, at least they are authentic!
"Above all, what this also reveals is a total lack of courage to really express your feelings. Even if your words sound awkward, at least they are authentic."
"It's also about making an effort. I then spontaneously think of the flowers and chocolates you can buy at filling station shops or at the airport: buy something quickly and then hand it over."
Something sweet then quickly turns into something cowardly.
Suffer from morning grumpiness? Make a little more effort!
"To be honest, this was a wonderful opportunity for Jacques to express to his girlfriend that giving a voice to his emotions is not easy. I think that morning grumpiness is another example of that. I am also interested in learning what exactly triggers his morning grumpiness. You can be slow on the uptake, but being really bad-tempered and making others suffer as a result? I think you should make a little more effort!"
"Hiding behind your newspaper and ignoring the other person in your life in the mornings: that is also a lack of making an effort. Especially since she makes such an effort."
"Jacques reaps the benefits of the efforts she has made and continues to make in her home," says Rika. "He is extremely lucky and doesn’t mind her doing everything. Fortunately, she possesses the courage to say she can accept this state of affairs for a while, but not for eternity."
Can things still work out?
How can this couple now move forward together?
"Jacques has to own up and say that he has done something that isn’t right. He can say that although to a great extent the letter reflects what he thinks, he realised afterwards that it was not sincere. That is a difficult confession to make, but that way there may still be a chance. So my message is mainly to act more sincerely with each other!"